


Here's looking at you, kid

by drarryisgreen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Harry/Sirius - Freeform, M/M, Slash, scarstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:46:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drarryisgreen/pseuds/drarryisgreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry isn’t sure who Sirius wants more. // Written for hprarfest 2013. Pairing: Harry/Sirius, Rating: PG-13, Prompt: Sirius doesn't die and after the war Harry moves in with him. They get closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here's looking at you, kid

_It happened again._  
  
Harry heard a screams in the middle of the night and ran to Sirius’ rescue. He was shivering and sweating in his sleep. Harry wasn’t sure if he should just hold Sirius or wake him up. He remembered Ron used to wake him up and Harry didn’t really like that. But, it’s not like Ron would have held him. Thus, Harry opted for the other option.  
  
Harry lay down next to Sirius and put his arm around his godfather who was still shaking.  
  
“Shh,” Harry whispered gently in Sirius’ ear. “It’s okay, you’re safe.”  
  
Sirius woke up feeling Harry’s body pressed next to his.  
  
“James?” Sirius asked. Harry felt a sharp pang in the pit of his stomach.  
  
“It’s okay, you’re safe,” Harry whispered in return, neither confirming nor denying the claim.  
  
“I'm so sorry, James. I am sorry I couldn’t save you. I am sorry I let you and Lil down!” Sirius turned and held Harry’s body tight.  
  
 _‘Lil.’_ Sirius was the only one who called his mother that. It had been his nickname for her, when everyone else called her ‘Lily.’ It showed the intimate friendship they had and for some odd reason Harry was envious. He wanted a nickname too. Hell, he would have settled for not being called ‘James.’  
  
Harry slowly drifted off holding Sirius’ body. He hadn’t planned on staying there all night, but he was exhausted and he simply fell asleep.

-*-*-*-*-*-

“Harry?”  
  
Harry woke up the next day to Sirius’ voice. He was still tightly holding onto him.  
  
“Oh, sorry,” Harry said letting go of Sirius from his grip. “I – you had another nightmare last night,” he tried to explain himself.  
  
“Nothing too loud, I hope,” Sirius responded. He knew by now that he had a habit of waking up people around him from his screams in the middle of the night. It was one of the reasons no one stayed at Grimmauld Place for long and Sirius has told Harry that he’d also eventually get tired of it and leave.  
  
Harry hadn’t.  
  
“Nothing I couldn’t handle. It’s good to give the ghosts a good of a scare too,” Harry joked. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stay here all night. I would have left after I was sure you were calm, but I fell asleep.” Harry stood up off the bed and straightened himself.  
  
“I think whatever you did, helped. I woke up quite calm this morning compared to most,” Sirius answered. He started to fold the blanket that they had been sleeping under. Harry raised an eyebrow at his movements and chuckled. “Your mother –” Sirius said, “There were some chores that she liked doing by hand, she said it relaxed her, kept her head clear. So I sort of got in the habit of doing that as well.” Harry nodded. “James didn’t understand it either.”  
  
There it was – another comparison to his father.  
  
“Right, so I’ll head downstairs then. Start preparing breakfast and all,” Harry answered. He turned away from the bed and took his leave for the door.  


-*-*-*-*-*-

The nightmares returned for another night, the screams this time definitely could not have been ignored. Harry returned to Sirius’ bedroom and tried to wake him this time. It didn’t work; Sirius was too busy crying in his sleep over another guilt trip of seeing Harry’s dead parents. Harry slid under the covers again and held Sirius. This time, Harry stayed awake until Sirius had calmed down and gently removed his arm and tried to swiftly glide off the bed.  
  
He felt a tug on his arm when he tried to leave.  
  
“Stay,” Sirius whispered and Harry obliged.  
  
The next morning Harry found himself in Sirius’ arms. He was curled up in Sirius’ embrace, his arse perfectly aligned with Sirius’ groin and Sirius’ mouth gently resting on the back of Harry’s neck. Harry was afraid to move. He didn’t want to wake Sirius up and look flustered. He felt Sirius’ grip around his body get tighter and Harry’s right leg twitched. His body betrayed him and it woke Sirius up.  
  
“Oh, sorry,” Sirius said. It seemed to be the routine now. One woke the other up and uttered the words “sorry.”  
  
“That’s – it’s no problem,” Harry flustered on the words, suddenly sad to no longer feel Sirius’ touch. “Did you sleep alright?” Harry stood up off the bed straightened himself up again - similar to the morning before. He was glad that his pyjamas had managed to hide the half-erection he was donning.  
  
“Yes, it seems that the only way I can get a decent night’s sleep is if I drown my sorrows in a bottle of Firewhiskey or if – you’re here,” Sirius replied.  
  
“Well, good thing both the options are readily available then,” Harry joked. “So, meet you downstairs in a few?”  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
That night, Sirius and Harry had been invited at the Burrow for dinner. Harry managed to swipe a bottle of Firewhiskey from Ron, owing him a favour for the future. When they returned home Harry surprised Sirius with the bottle.  
  
“Let’s celebrate tonight,” Harry said.  
  
“What are we celebrating?” Sirius asked.  
  
“I don’t know, you, us, being here. Do we really need a reason?” Harry asked.  
  
Sirius laughed. “No, I guess not.”  
  
Harry sat on the sofa as Sirius grabbed two glasses. When Sirius sat down Harry noticed how close they were seated next to each other. Their knees touched and Harry felt the heat inside him rising. His hand shook a bit as he opened the bottle of Firewhiskey and poured it in the two glasses that Sirius held.  
  
After placing the bottle down on the table, Harry grabbed a glass from Sirius. Sirius placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder, gently caressing it. Harry felt nervous. As soon as the glasses clinked Harry downed his drink. Sirius laughed. He pulled Harry in for a deeper embrace and gave his empty glass to Harry for a refill.  
  
Now Harry and Sirius sat next to each other, Sirius’ arm around Harry and he kissed Harry above his right ear. Harry felt a shudder of pleasure down his spine. He refilled their glasses and they quickly emptied those as well. The ritual continued for several more rounds until Harry needed to take a break. He looked towards Sirius who was warmly smiling at him and grinned. Sirius gently brushed Harry’s hair off his forehead and used his index finger tracing the rim of Harry’s glasses.  
  
Slowly he removed Harry’s glasses and placed them on the table.  
  
“You should think about getting contacts,” Sirius said. “I am sure Hermione’s family probably has some sort of a Muggle connection to introduce you to an optometrist.”  
  
“You know what that is?” Harry asked shocked.  
  
Sirius laughed again. “Yeah, I am well-read in the Muggle dialect.”  
  
“So, you don’t like my glasses?” Harry asked. He was aware that he looked like his father, and he had his mother’s eyes. What was it about him that Sirius wanted to change?  
  
Sirius turned to his side and faced him again. “I just like,” Sirius paused. “I just like the idea of being close to you without your glasses.” Sirius leaned in close, Harry felt Sirius’ breath on his face. “I want to look across the room at a party and see your face and know it’s you who is looking back at me.”  
  
Harry managed to give a half a smile before Sirius leaned in all the way and kissed him.  


-*-*-*-*-*-

Harry felt Sirius’ soft lips, the taste of Firewhisky on his tongue, and kissed him back with determination. Sirius’ hands slowly crept up under Harry’s shirt and Harry pulled on Sirius with force. They continued snogging for several moments, without any breaks, without any noise except for an occasional moan from Harry in Sirius’ mouth.  
  
“You have no idea how long I have wanted this,” Harry confessed as they parted to catch their breath and Harry poured them another small drink. There has been slight touches in the past, moments of longing and sometimes flirtation from both sides, but never this concrete.  
  
Sirius leaned in and gently nibbled on Harry’s ear before his tongue travelled down and settled on his neck. His mouth sucking and biting on a spot that gratified Harry into another moan.  
  
“So, you.” Sirius kissed Harry’s neck. “Do.” A bite on Harry’s jaw. “Want this?” Another bite and a suck before their lips met again. Sirius pulled back waiting for an answer from Harry who handed him the drink.  
  
Harry slowly took a sip of his drink and looked up to meet Sirius’ eyes. “I do, but I have to know something.” Sirius nodded. “It’s me that you want. Not some idea of my –” Harry paused for a long moment. “My father,” he finally said.  
  
“Yes, it’s you, who I want,” Sirius confirmed. .  
  
“Are you sure, because I am not my father,” Harry whispered in return. He may have sounded reluctant with his words but his hands rested on Sirius, massaging whatever skin they found as they fumbled under Sirius’ shirt.  
  
Sirius didn’t respond but simply stared at Harry, expressionlessly.  
  
“I am not my father,” Harry repeated himself.  
  
Sirius displayed a small smile before he spoke. “Yes, I am quite aware you’re not your father. I am not nor have I ever been in love with James.”  
  
Harry pulled Sirius in closer and Sirius didn’t let go of Harry’s lips again for a while. Harry slowly parted his mouth and Sirius slid his tongue in. Sirius pushed Harry back on the sofa as got on top of him. He began to grind on Harry’s cock and Harry cursed the fact that they still had their trousers on. As Sirius tore the kiss apart in his efforts to get his hands to reach down on the buttons of Harry’s trousers, Harry for some reason thought it would be best to continue doubting.  
  
“But.” Harry panted. “You say his name at night, when you’re sleeping,” Harry said. “You don’t always scream it, you whisper it, too.”  
  
Sirius paused and looked up into Harry’s eyes. Harry was searching for an answer.  
  
“The guilt – that I couldn’t save them,” Sirius said, “I struggle with that every night. I’ve struggled with it for almost two decades.” Sirius pulled back sitting on his legs, his hands ran through his hair as he attempted to adjust himself.  
  
Harry stood up from the sofa and took Sirius’ right hand and pulled him up as well. Sirius never talked about it, maybe he felt as though he didn’t need to, Harry had thought. But Harry knew that he needed for Sirius to get it out in the open before they continued _this_. Maybe not tonight, not all of it, but slowly, eventually, it would be dealt with.  
  
Harry drew Sirius towards him and led him to his bedroom. Sirius quietly and credulously followed.  
  
“Maybe we should see if sleeping in my bed also helps keep the nightmares away,” Harry said. He smiled as he pushed Sirius on his bed and removed his shirt before climbing on top of him. Sirius grabbed Harry’s arse and squeezed it as he reunited their tongues.  
  
“I think we should definitely explore that thought,” Sirius answered allowing Harry to undress him and take charge.  



End file.
